Oh, come on.

No one wants to sign me? Do you all know how fast I am? Plus, I am really, really good-looking. Let me return punts and kickoffs for your NFL team. Please?

I knew they would call.

Nice return game, Eagles. Good thing it didn't cost you the game. Oh, wait..

So, Andy Reid called me. Asked me to come back. Seriously, this guy has a pair of brass ones doesn't he?

What did I tell him?

Well, they signed Reno Mahe (HA HA HA HA!)

Does that answer your question?

Word.

Andy Reid gets the Gas Face.

I'm as shocked as you are.

I still can't believe I was cut.

Plus, no teams apparently want to sign me.

Am I down? Me? Jeremy Bloom? On the contrary. I've been working out. My 40 time is down to 4.15. It's just a matter of time before I get back in the league.

I will be recounting my final hours as an Eagle soon. Lots of words were exchanged. I now know who left the Ball Boy jersey in my locker. Stay tuned.

Gotta go work out again. My agent is also calling.

The Rocky Mountain Showdown. It's ON!

People in Colorado know what I'm talking about. This is the game where the Buffs beat the holy hell out of the Colorado State Rams. Seriously, the Rams are a good team. A good HIGH SCHOOL team. Have you seen their schedule this year? The play the International Lighthouse for the Blind. CU plays Florida State.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get there. You know, make an appearance. Let the girls know I'm there.

Game vs. Jets just a formality

Did you see me? I am so on this team. Got my Eagle on last night against the Jets. Broken toe? No problem? Not 6 feet tall? So what? At last preseason is over and I can kick back. Let the checks from Eagles headquarters just roll in.

A 9.7-yard average on three punts, a 22.7-yard average on three kickoffs.

Caught a pass for 12 yards.

Broken toe.

I love the NFL. I love myself. Going to be great being an Eagle this year.

Game time

Tonight is the final preseason game against the Jets. I am already assured a roster spot. I have the entire city of Philadelphia behind me. No fair catches tonight. Only north-south running and TD's, baby. Like mogul skiing except no bumps and I'm carrying a football and there's no snow and people are trying to tackle me. Word.

So, I've been suited up for the last 15 hours. I'm ready. The Jets are going to take a beating courtesy of J-Bloom.

Screw the NCAA
Screw Devin Hester
Screw the Colorado State Rams (GO CU!)

Screw all of the haters out there. I am making a name for myself tonight.

P.S. I am not on the bubble. I am assured a roster spot. This is only a formality. Again, I am on the team.

Really, there is NO chance of me being cut. Nada. Zip. None.

Haters.

So, now I'm being criticized for my returns. Figures. Hey, here's a novel idea....can I get someone to fucking block for me?

After the Eagles' sloppy 27-13 preseason loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday at Heinz Field, Reid was asked to evaluate Jeremy Bloom's return work in the team's first three preseason games.

"He's done just OK," the coach said.

If by OK, you mean kick-ass, then yes I've done OK.

Bloom, a second-year player who spent all of last season on injured reserve with a hamstring injury, has returned seven punts for 49 yards in the three exhibition games. That's a 7-yard average, a figure that would have ranked 27th in the NFL a year ago.

The kick returns haven't been any better. Bloom has returned nine for 176 yards, a 19.6-yard average. That figure would have ranked 35th in the league last season. Bloom's longest return has been for 26 yards.

Here was my response to this -
"I think there's been some good and there have been some things I'd like to improve on," Bloom said after Sunday's game. "No scores and no real long returns. It's important that we play better, and it starts with me as the returner, because I'm like the quarterback of the offense to an extent. I always have the ball in my hand. We have a lot of room to improve in our return game."

Got that? I am the quarterback!!! Not McNabb. Not Kolb. Me. J-Bloom. I, Philadelphia fans, am your quarterback!!! Oh, and when I get the ball, it's like a 2-minute drill each time. Here's the thing. As much as you all think I can, I can't do it alone. I saw four guys walking off the field when I was returning a kick against the Steelers. Hello! I need you guys to block for me!!!

Plus, my toe hurts. It really hurts.

Here's what I said about it:
"It's been painful, but I knew that was going to be the case," Bloom said. "You also have to remember that it's the preseason and we have a different group out there all the time. We're rotating every position, so it's never that core group. But that's not an excuse for a lack of production."

Translation? I have scrubs blocking for me. Thanks for nothing.

When this preseason started, Bloom had a job to lose as the Eagles' returner. He hasn't lost it, but with one preseason game left, he hasn't exactly secured it, either.

Secure this.