Simple question: Do you want to win or not?

Well, the Broncos must want to win any games because I was not signed last week after my kick-ass workout.

You know, things have just gotten to the point of sheer lunacy. Why I have been continually passed over is beyond me. It is beyond you, my devoted fans. Again and again, I have displayed all of the necessary skills to be successful in the NFL.

Fast? Check
Winner? Please.
Good-looking? Ridiculously so.
World class athlete? Bingo.
Awesome? Recent polling says "yes, Mr. Bloom, you are, indeed, awesome."
Marketable? Proven results there.

I can only come to the same conclusion that all of you have by now.

Conspiracy.

The NCAA.

Devin Hester.

It's all adding up. The NFL, in league with the NCAA and Devin Hester, does not want Jeremy Bloom to succeed. This is lawsuit material. I don't want it to come to that (I have many suits pending right now) but I will do what I have to do to preserve my human right to become more awesome each and every day.

I urge you, the fans, to call your local NFL team. This is where you, the little people, can make a difference. Tell your local team that Jeremy Bloom is still out there, ready to make your team an instant winner.

I am only one man. I can't do it all on my own. I need my lawyers and agents, and now you, the fans, to make the dream a reality.

Be bold. be daring. Take risks. Be awesome. I mean, Jeremy Bloom-awesome. Bloomerific (trademark pending), if you will.

Awesome.

Any minute now...

Man, I am all over the Denver press right now. Newspapers, TV... It's a lock. Can't wait to put on that Broncos jersey. This is fate. Destiny. Hometown boy does good. Disney will make a movie about this story. Fuck you, Vince Papaya.

Rock and Roll!

Yep - Denver brought me in for a workout. I'll be signed within the week. Too bad Brandon Marshall is going to have to give up that #15 he wears. I want my old number back, and Mr. DUI is going to hand it over.

It's inevitable.

I worked out for the Carolina Panthers this week. I expect to be signed. The Denver media is still completely on my jock. I would expect the Broncos to call soon. You haven't seen the last of me.

I am offended!!!

My hometown team, the Denver Broncos, cut their return man Domenik Hixon. I figured they would call me. Instead, they signed some scrub. What is Broncos PR thinking? Not only am I the man for the job, it's my hometown!

Oh, and this just in, the Eagles still suck!

Oh, come on.

No one wants to sign me? Do you all know how fast I am? Plus, I am really, really good-looking. Let me return punts and kickoffs for your NFL team. Please?

I knew they would call.

Nice return game, Eagles. Good thing it didn't cost you the game. Oh, wait..

So, Andy Reid called me. Asked me to come back. Seriously, this guy has a pair of brass ones doesn't he?

What did I tell him?

Well, they signed Reno Mahe (HA HA HA HA!)

Does that answer your question?

Word.

Andy Reid gets the Gas Face.