Why you should draft me on your fantasy football team.

I'll let you in on a secret. OK, it's not really a secret. I'm the best-looking Philadephia Eagle...ever.

Anyway, back on topic, who loves fantasy football? I don't know how to play because I play the actual game. Still, I hear it's popular with the common man. So - here's the dealio. You should draft me. Period. High draft pick. Do you want to win? If you don't, then don't draft me. That simple.

Who is a bigger fantasy stud than me? I have overcome all the odds. Olympics. Done. College ball? So good they made me stop playing. Looks? So, as I understand it, you earn points based on how many things make you a stud in someone's fantasy. Looks, charisma, charm, abs -- I've got it all. Just imagine if you could earn fantasy "points" or whatever, based on things liked yards gained and touchdowns.