My name is Jeremy Bloom and I am your next...

The Steel City.

The Steelers signed me to the practice squad today.

Yeah - you know it.

Black and gold. Colors I am all too familiar with. Happy New Year to me. I expect to be signed to the active roster in time for the playoffs where I will immediately make a huge splash.

I don't know much about the city of Pittsburgh except that they tell me it is actually in Pennsylvania. I was also told that the team only has one helmet logo sticker on purpose.

More to come about me. Because I am Jeremy Bloom, and I am awesome.

'Tis the season

It's that time of year again. The Holidays. I finished my 95th set of military push-ups, and I was thinking about what I've been thankful for and what I am hopeful for this holiday season.

I'm thankful that I am as awesome as I am.
I'm thankful that I am kick-ass.
I'm thankful that I can run faster than Devin Hester on his best day.

I'm hopeful for peace on Earth, and...

I'm hopeful that all coaches and GM's in the NFL pull their heads out of their collective asses and sign me to a freaking contract already!

I'm in the best shape of my life. My toe is no longer injured. In fact, it's now impervious to all injury.

Wouldn't I make a nice addition to any NFL team looking for a return man? Yes, I agree, I would.

I haven't gone away.

Click-Clack

I think you hear me coming....

Simple question: Do you want to win or not?

Well, the Broncos must want to win any games because I was not signed last week after my kick-ass workout.

You know, things have just gotten to the point of sheer lunacy. Why I have been continually passed over is beyond me. It is beyond you, my devoted fans. Again and again, I have displayed all of the necessary skills to be successful in the NFL.

Fast? Check
Winner? Please.
Good-looking? Ridiculously so.
World class athlete? Bingo.
Awesome? Recent polling says "yes, Mr. Bloom, you are, indeed, awesome."
Marketable? Proven results there.

I can only come to the same conclusion that all of you have by now.

Conspiracy.

The NCAA.

Devin Hester.

It's all adding up. The NFL, in league with the NCAA and Devin Hester, does not want Jeremy Bloom to succeed. This is lawsuit material. I don't want it to come to that (I have many suits pending right now) but I will do what I have to do to preserve my human right to become more awesome each and every day.

I urge you, the fans, to call your local NFL team. This is where you, the little people, can make a difference. Tell your local team that Jeremy Bloom is still out there, ready to make your team an instant winner.

I am only one man. I can't do it all on my own. I need my lawyers and agents, and now you, the fans, to make the dream a reality.

Be bold. be daring. Take risks. Be awesome. I mean, Jeremy Bloom-awesome. Bloomerific (trademark pending), if you will.

Awesome.

Any minute now...

Man, I am all over the Denver press right now. Newspapers, TV... It's a lock. Can't wait to put on that Broncos jersey. This is fate. Destiny. Hometown boy does good. Disney will make a movie about this story. Fuck you, Vince Papaya.

Rock and Roll!

Yep - Denver brought me in for a workout. I'll be signed within the week. Too bad Brandon Marshall is going to have to give up that #15 he wears. I want my old number back, and Mr. DUI is going to hand it over.

It's inevitable.

I worked out for the Carolina Panthers this week. I expect to be signed. The Denver media is still completely on my jock. I would expect the Broncos to call soon. You haven't seen the last of me.